Its been a while since ive last SI-ed, and i owe it all to music. My ipod never leaves my side. With out it, i have no idea how i’d survive. Its a distraction from life. It doesnt judge, and it always knows how to make me feel better. Where i live everyone hates me. The neighborhood consists of less than 15 houses, and all but three hate me. They will go out of there way to torture me. I’m called all kinds of names. I used to believe these things, well i still do sometimes. Only when i have nothing else to think about. The thoughts just fill my head and dont leave. I act on those thoughts. But not by SI-ing, by guys. If i am a slut, whats there to lose, right? I let guys use me, and i feel disgusting, but i just let them. They say they like me and love me and blah blah blah, i know they are lying. I dont care though. I havnt had a relationship with a guy that ment something in a long time. and when i do i mess it up, because i get scared. i hate that. i need to change, but i have it stuck in my head that i am that person they say i am. I dont want to be her. i want people to know me. Everyone refuses to believe me. That makes me sick. I hate myself for everything ive become. Music is my only escape from those feelings.