Three days ago was my eleven month anniversary of being clean. Right now, I wish I could say that I’m not thinking about falling back, for how far I have come. But that’s all I can think about. Especially since my parents practically cornered me and told me I was fat and that I need to do something about it. They don’t even know how much that hurts me and not to mention that half the reason why I’m so fat is because I hate myself in every single way. They have no idea, not even once. One way that kept me from eating so much or even eating at all was to SI. So now that I’ve been clean, all I do to replace that missing feeling is with food. What else am I supposed to do? I don’t like to run or exercise because that just makes me feel even worse about myself. The only way I can see myself not eating my way to a size 24 is to SI, I’m already a size 20. I can’t even say that out loud because I am so disgusted. You know, I don’t even remember a time, a sliver of a moment where I thought to myself that I’m pretty and beautiful and smart and a knock out. Never. I’m at a loss here and I’m losing my grasp of what’s right and what’s wrong. All I want to do is run away from everything and never have to look back, but we all know that running away never solves the problem.