It’s been a long time since I last posted on here. Almost a year I think, the last time I SI’ed was back in February  but I relapsed about a week ago. I don’t know why i decided to but I went in a frenzy looking for a tool. The guy  (We’ll call him guy 1) I thought I was in love with even all the way back when I last posted, decided he didn’t want to be around me anymore about 3 months ago. And I handled it, I no longer talk to him. I went back to this one guy (And we’ll call him guy two) but he hadn’t changed and I only talked to him for a few days before i decided the pressure he was putting on me to go further than I decided I wanted to just wasn’t worth putting up with. I never got to see guy number 2 anymore so I told him that I didn’t want to go any further and sense no matter what I said he wouldn’t stop pressuring me I would not be talking to him anymore. He was fine with it he’d found someone else he wanted to make his ‘toy’. So I was down and feeling really insecure When I noticed another guy pretty much the only guy I would expect to reject me. And I messaged him asking what he thought of me but that I was definitely not flirting. I only did this after he went offline expecting him to be gone for a couple days, but right after I sent it he came online a replied quickly, he said he felt I was nice when it counted and a bunch of other stuff completely opposite to what I expected. We talked all night and admitted to liking  each other though up and till that moment I really didn’t realize I had liked him. He’s honestly the best guy I’ve ever met. I know this is a lot about guys but I promise I’m getting to my point But a couple weeks ago guy number 1 text me saying he made a mistake and still loves me, I had just gotten over him and I don’t know why but that completely destroyed me and I relapsed, plus woven into all this my mother and I were back to fighting again and all she seems to do is scream at me. So yes I’m back and searching for help yet again