I feel as if I am recovering. These past months have been very much like falling deeper and deeper into a black hole till I was consumed by an eating disorder and depression. “It can only get better from here” said my doctor, but I knew that wasn’t true. It can always get worse, and I wasn’t able to pick myself up from where I was, I wasn’t even able to stop myself from falling deeper into my disorder and depression. And my feeling of loneliness increased as I desperately tried to cover up food issues, SI and tears that came for no apparent reason. It was as if my life had been taken away from me, my future, that I had regained from my last depression period during my first real time of happiness in years was fading away, and I wondered if I would ever be able to come back from this. Today I am on my way back. And it is thanks to God..someone once told me that only weak people would believe in God, people who couldn’t figure out life on their own. And I am one of those people, and I’m not ashamed of it! I needed help, and once again, He helped me by letting my eyes fall on book in my flatmates bookshelf as she were gone on holidays. And even though I never usually touch her stuff I picked it up, started reading and I stopped falling, and got stared at the stairs up from this hole. Today I slipped. And it feels horrible, but I am learning that it is okay to make mistakes. I am forgiven, and tomorrow is a new day, and I will continue where I left off. Up the stairs, and one day I will be free.