I haven’t SIed in a week and 3 days i can’t say i haven’t had my moments where i just wanted to. Last Sunday i moved into the college that i will be going to August 27th for a 3 week summer program where i live here and take 1 class it’s actually pretty intense. Here no one knows my problems and no one pays attention to my scars or what i’m eating. Some days i feel like i’m better at hiding all these things from them while i’m here rather than while i’m at home. I’ve had my moments where i’ve gotten close to doing it and i know it’s not a question on whether i’m able to do it here but i’m trying. I feel like i should try again and that’s what i did after the constant struggle of going back. Sometimes i just think of it this way; if i can last 1 day then that’s all that matters and all that should matter because it’s one day at a time. I don’t want people here knowing but i have thought about mentioning it to a teachers assistant who’s actually a college student herself just because i’m close to her. Some days i feel like there’s too many thoughts on SI or on the eating disorder. Last time i went to the doctors he said i have to gain 2 pounds and i have to see him in september to make sure the eating disorder doesn’t cause me issues. I just need the support right now so i’m turning here and maybe i make no sense at all.
I’m here at a college and in a program where you are set to eat 3 meals a day(causes anxiety) and i have 1 college course and all these other things that don’t give me time to myself which is where the stress plays in. I need the support and i don’t know what else i just needed to say what i had to say while my roommate was asleep.