Yesterday I did it again for the first time in 2 years. I never thought I’d do it again! I am ashamed, disappointed in myself. I was with my sister and hung out with some people I didn’t really know. It has been a long time since I have been in that kind of situation, cause I tend to not go out in groups where I don’t know too many. I just get insecure and anxious. I don’t really know why it stirs these emotions in me but I guess I have always had the feeling of being an outsider, as if I feel as if they are soon gonna see me for who I am and loose interest, so I was so on edge already, and then, during the conversation my sister told me she had lied to me about some stuff I had asked her about a while ago. It wasn’t as if I was shocked that she lied about it, because I kinda suspected she had lied about several things, but in that situation, and the way she just said it in this conversation with these people we didn’t really know, I just lost it! I got so sad, so it was as if I just didn’t care, so I took my tool and SI’d. And today I went on a huge binge, and ate whatever I got my hands on. It’s almost like I don’t care anymore what will happen and if I’ll manage to get through this..I just wish I could pack a few of my things and go far away from here. But I know that what I really want to leave is myself… With God’s help I will get through this as well.