Weddings should be happy times. I feel like SUCH a jerk that I’m not looking forward to my little sister’s wedding. I am happy for her, but it’s so uncomfortable to be myself around her or my family. I’m paranoid they will see my scars. At the same time, I want to just get that over with. They know I self injure. I’m also scared of myself. A lot of feelings come up when I’m with them and my love is so deep for them. I just get confused. I am scared of myself because I’m scared I’ll self injure. I’m scared I’ll get to that place where the desire to hurt myself comes and I act on it before I think about the consequences. I’m scared I will abuse substances so as to not feel anything. So selfish of me 🙁