It’s that time again. That time when I’m being left in my crisis while people take their vacations. I’m not saying they don’t deserve it (my Therapist/Psychiatrist), but right now my life is and endless thought of when is the other shoe going to fall. Will they or won’t they come back to treat a totally messed up freak like me. I’m not on any medication and each day is getting worse than the day before (That’s a long complication thing in itself). I can’t seem to stop thinking that maybe SIing is the only sane thing I have left in my life thus far. I can’t seem to figure out anymore what’s real or made up, I walk around unsure of what I’m doing and thinking is another thing and if you are able to think you have a brain which I don’t so my way of thinking is brainless. All I’ve been feeling like doing lately is just laying on my bed and distancing myself further away from all. I feel like I have no one to turn to anymore because who wants to be around someone like me, I don’t even want to be around someone like me. Point Blank I’ve Given Up On All!
I totally know how you feel. I’m in that place right now. I’m stuck out at school for the summer and my theapist is on vacation and my only friend is across the country with her family. I spent a week laying in my bed refusing to do anything because I felt so abandoned. I finally left my apartment. I went for a walk and it felt good. Not amazing, but good. It was nice to be out and smell the fresh mowed grass. Distancing yourself from everything isn’t going to help. It’s definitely easier than taking part in life (and feels a lot safer) but in the end, we all need to get out and do things. Even if it’s something as simple as a walk. You really will feel better if you get out for a while. I know it’s hard to feel like you belong in the world sometimes, but you really do. (That’s easy for me to say, I know, but I’m working on believing it too.) Don’t bury yourself in your room forever. It’ll do you good to get out a little. Take it one day at a time. Know your limits, but be willing to do some things that feel uncomfortable too.