God bless those in Norway who lost thier loved ones in those crazy tragedies. That is super triggering to me. It terrifies me. In reality I could die tonight, tomorrow, any time, I prefer not think about it. Sometimes I think it’d be better to do it myself than wait for the inevitable. But that’s ridiculous. My life feels so insignificant. Why get sober, why stop SIing when everything could come down to some sick,confused, individual terrorizing a youth camp? It confuses me 🙁 I’m easily swayed. I’m easily triggered, I’m easily messed up and tempted. I am in a middle ground. I see what I could have, and I see what I am and I see my potential, I see my weakness, but I can’t make a decision maybe. I don’t know what it is. I have support, I have people who care and who would love me through it all. They may not understand my thirst for anything to alter my mind, they may not understand my need to hurt myself, I don’t even get it sometimes, but they would love me. What stops me ? What keeps me drinking and SIing and being so self destructive? 🙁

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps through me
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here