Today was the first day in a long time where I didnt want to si.  I didnt want to hurt myself in any way.  I didnt think of food as the enemy.  I didnt think of my tools, I just went about my day.  Thanks to my wonderful ever loving mother I now am shaking with anger and frustration.  I was explaining to my aunt how i would be working alot the next few days and I didnt want to work on Monday so I was going to finish everything beforehand on sunday but I was going to take it one day at a time and worry about Sunday on Sunday.  But no my mom startes telling me to stop whining.  Well hey mom im not whining! Im exhausted. Ive been up for 18 hours and im not even home yet.  Im trying to explain to my aunt who isnt getting it so shes making gestures for me to stop.  Really mom? Im an adult, I know when to stop.  But thanks for the heads up.  Then I get home and I asked my parents to check my car to make sure it was in the garage all the way.  They told me it was in, I didnt believe them, so I pulled it in farther. Well they both got mad at me.  Really? Sorry i dont want the door the scrape up against my new car.  Then to top it off my mom starts telling me how I was wrong for trying to explain to my aunt my plans.  I dont understand, if im too quiet im suspicous, if i talk its too much.  I really dont know.  The one day I actually felt that life was good and worth it without si and now she goes and triggers me.  I hate my family sometimes.  I really do, mostly my mom because she knows exactly what to do to make me hurt.  To make me feel like a piece of trash.  I just hate myself right now.  I hate her more.  I wont si tonight, i wont let her do this to me.  Im fuming but thats why i came here instead.  I wont si.  Im stronger than this.  Ill say it, ill pour it out and say it and mean it tonight.. I hate my mother.  Right now she is the enemy.  Right now I need to stay safe, so im going to bed.  Thank god I wont see her for three days this weekend because of work.