This is the first time I’ve really admitted that I si. Only one othr person knows. I started my freshman year of high school. It started as a joke. My friend always pretended to injure, none of us realized that when she wasn’t around us, she really did. So, one day, I tried. I was upset, and to be honest, I don’t really remember what I was upset about, probably my parents fighting again. I tried it. A few days later I was hooked. I really only si-ed when i was upset, and after a while my tool wasn’t working. When my parents left me home alone, and I was upset, I go and grab a tool. That worked for a while too. i started feeling guilty. I couldn’t remember why I was even doing this to myself. I assumed it was the stress of being in a new school, my parents fighting all the time, and having the worst boyfriend. So, I forced myself to stop. I’ll admit it was hard and I was really depressed for a few weeks. I hid my tool in my room (and still have no idea where it is) and kept myself covered to try and stop myself. And it worked for a while. When I started sophmore year, I was free. But… when spring came, things got bad again. My parents started fighting even more, dragging me into the fights. Calling me stupid and lazy anf fat. Telling me id never make anything of myself and that id get stuck in a junior college. My grades started failing because I couldn’t concentrate and they got even more mad and started accusing me of doing drugs. Throughout this time I cried myself to sleep almost every night and I almost relapsed countless times. I began writing things on myself (names many girls at my school called me some just as a joke, some not as a joke) and “perfect”. My friend who used to injure helped me, btu it still wasn’t enough. I began thinking about giving up entirely. My parents never noticed any signs of what was going on. But then the year ended, and sudden;y everything got better. My parents stopped being so harsh, my grades got better, and i got accepted to a summer program at a college (which is where i am now). I still have times when I get depressed, and think about si and suicide but i always stop myself. I’m scared that someday, ill relapse, or ill do something i won’t be able to fix. im scared to sleep because i constantly have nightmares and im scared that if i fall asleep thinking that life isn’t worth it, that i wont wake up in the morning, that my body will just give up. my friends see this happy girl, who is usually quiet, but can be loud around friends. but really im just…a scared little girl.