I’m trapped. stuck in the same rythem. i’m addicted, something happens and i fight it, fight the urge. and ussally lose. i cant help it. i si and im fine for awhile but like an addiction i wait awhile and it comes back, so tempting, so intising, and i give in. im fine as long as i have those marks but as soon as they heal i have to do it again, its like i cant go on unless i can look and see them. that and i cant tell a soul siblings wouldnt get it plus they got their own lives to worry about it, parents think im the perfectt daughter with no problems… yea right., friends please, they never listen they’re to caught up in their own lives if we do talk it just to tell me how horrible their lives are like “their mom said they couldnt go to the park yesterday so they cried all night” and i sit there and listen like the good friend i should be, even if they dont know the truth and thats just when they accually want to talk to me. i just know im stuck with no way out no way to turn eccept si its always there. i dont want to but what else do i have? i need someone to rely on and trust without judgement. im only 14 i dont want to have to rely on si forever but for now thats all i have…. i’m trapped.
I understand exactly how you feel. There seems to be something about having a healing si mark that seems to suppress the urge to si agin. I have been si free for nearly 7 months, but the urge is still there – always in the back of my mind.
Writing something (in perminate marker) on my favorite si places like: love.hope.breathe …Or drawing fine lined angel wings, has really helped me. It gives me a mark, a focal point, & and a moment of thought – before I act.
May peace fill your heart in this life & in this journey. Take heart, You are not trapped in this alone…
-peace-
well i would write LOVE or LOVE ALWAYS on my arms, hands, legs, cloths, paper, bags, everywhere. But my dad says “dont write on yourself, it can permantly mark your skin or, i dont want to see all that **** on your arms. If only he knew the truth. hed kill me or lock me up forever. “i’m the prefact daughter, right?” not evenbut im fine on the outside, and to others who dont know, thats all that matters…. problem is i dont even want to si anymore it makes me more mad aterwards cause i feel like i failed everyone who says, “they love me”. as if if they loved me wouldnt they notice something was wrong with their “best friend”. that and one of my other friends si-ed and has stopped, got over the urges, everything and i feel sometimes that if i told her shed think i was copying her. im not i swear, but oh well…….. this was a really long reply, its just that ive never been able to tell others how i truly felt, and probably never will in person, but to all who read this thanks for listening, and feel free try reply i love to hear that someone noticed what i siad and that they listen and can relate…. :,)