I am writing here for the first time because I need someone to hear me. And I need to tell this to someone. It is too hard to tell those close to me everything. I am afraid they won’t fully understand, afraid I’ll hurt my family, afraid my friends will look at me differently. Because I am not who I should be, my thoughts are not how they should be and I want to be as I pose to be, but my mask is breaking. It’s been two years since I last self injured. I got better and for a while I was happy, for the first time in years..but it’s been getting darker again, and I feel so alone. Desperate almost, and I wonder if I will get out of this. I wonder what it will take. And I don’t wanna SI again so I eat. And then I get more sad, feeling as if I’m not coping. I have worked hard to lose weight, I can’t gain it again so I am falling into an eating disorder. I don’t know if anyone cares. I know you don’t know who I am, and I don’t know you, but if you read this, thank you for letting me tell you this. I needed to tell someone.