I haven’t self-injured in almost a month. School’s ended which has really helped, but this past week I’ve felt really down. Out of no where. And then today I went to counseling. For the first time ever. My mom came with me and since it was the first time my mom sat in with me. The counselor asked me if I self-injured because it was one of the many questions she asks all of her new patients. I glanced nervously over to my mom and then back to her and said like it was the most absurd thing in the world “no of course not.”
Now that I’m back home I’m so irritable. Going to therapy made me feel worse. Why is it so hard to open up to people and tell them that something is wrong with me. I want to self-injure more than anything now because I’m so disappointed in myself for not actually telling a counselor. How am I going to keep seeing her if I’m not even letting her into my real problem.
The thing that really scares me though is the fact that if I do self-injure right now, that I’ll be put back to 0. Have to count those days all over again. Have to look at another scar. Another thing on myself that reminds me how much I really do hate myself.