I’ve always loved the song “hate me” by blue october. One line in particular I always felt close to :In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night,While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight. You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate and you made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take. So I’ll drive so far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind.

I’m in pain. not the tangible kind. it makes me cringe to even type that, much less say it out loud. defeated. I know I’m responsible, but att the same time i feel so outof control. the sober me is the one in the song that holds my head up late at night while I wage wars onmyself. no person, just me. I have support, i cant tell anyone of my hunger though. its a hunger, like a starving dog to a steak, a baby to it’s mothers milk, the waves to the sand on the beach, metal to a magnet. Self destruction, its my nature, it’s been my nature as long as i can remember…..but why ? I am a hurricane again, a raaging storm, i’m home alone and full of rage and poison and scared of myself but too ashamed to call for help