I don’t know what to really say today. I’ve been thinking about writing here so i guess i finally decided to just blurt everything out. Everything seemed to be going fine it was hard but i wasn’t SIing for 3 weeks and i felt so great about it and proud. Wednesday i felt stressed and angry and i SIed then i found more things out and SIed again yesterday and then today. I have lost my friends i’m being ignored by those who know and one friend actually gave up on me. The moment i’m alone is the moment i feel like i’m about to break and instead of fighting it like i used to i just acted. I’m not sure how i’m feeling, and then i don’t understand why everyone changes in the summer. I have one friend who has stuck by me and i’ve appreciated it a lot she saved me from doing it again yesterday but today i just felt like ignoring how i felt because i’m not sure what to do. There’s just this stress about going to college for this summer program in 3 weeks, stress about friends, stress about family and the list continues… maybe i’m being stupid. It’s just a never ending cycle i stop and go back and i stop and i go back. I had counseling at school but then i graduated and i was referred to outside help but the place still hasn’t called me to have an “intake” session and truthfully i can’t gain the courage to call them myself. I’m falling apart and i have SIed… maybe i’m just weak.