After a whole day of being insulted and ridiculed by other people, and just down right hating myself, I pretty much had my mind set on giving into the urge. Today is the two week mark. I was fighting it all day long.
But guess what!…I BEAT THE URGE!!!!!
Oh my gosh! It was the HARDEST THING EVER. Seriously, I had a tool within arms length. It might have been “easier” to give in. But I didn’t want to. Instead, I cried for almost a full hour straight when I was finally alone! I wrote out how I felt on a blank doc file. I read some scripture from the Bible. And I also texted a friend who knew that I was fighting the urge to SI. He distracted me but also encouraged me to fight it. I told him I was crying and he told me to just keep on crying if I had to. And I did for almost a whole hour.
The thoughts that were going through my head were horrid. I couldn’t post them on here, but I was in full out loathing mode. I just felt so worthless. I am seriously surprised I made it through that without giving in. Shocked, actually.
BUT I MADE IT! I put on some Christian music to remind me that I’m NOT worthless. I still don’t fully believe that, but just the thought that it could be true is enough for now.
I just have to say that resisting the urge is NOT easy, but it IS possible! I thank God for rescuing me from that dark pit. I feel like I can face a lot more now.
YOU CAN DO IT EVERYONE! I believe in you ALL! God Bless!