I need someone to understand, i don’t need a friend telling me ” your stupid ” or ” you’re being dumb” or the famous saying ” just stop.” I started to bottle up my feelings because i felt like my feelings were stupid and then today to have me open up to my friend and for her to tell me i’m being dumb makes me want to never say a thing to any one again. My thoughts are stupid my feelings are stupid so does this just make me stupid? I haven’t SIed in almost 3 weeks as of right now it has been 2 weeks and 6 days and it’s starting to get really hard to say that because i really want to SI so badly. Maybe the best thing for me to do is to not talk about how i feel and just pretend i’m this awesome person. I feel like i have no one here to relate to here as in where i live, my friends and just those i talk to. I feel like soon i’m gonna screw up again and i don’t know what to do. Is it crazy to say that i feel like i miss it ?? Almost 3 weeks and i don’t know how much longer i can last. I just feel like a burden.
1.You.Are.Not.A.Burden
Never think that.
2. It’s okay to “miss it” We all do. I do a lot. Right now.
You’re not stupid, even though your friend may have implied that. She has no idea what she’s talking about, or what you’ve been through, what she’s putting you through by saying that. We can’t change the ignorance of others, but we can do our best to not let it effect us. You have gone so long without SI’ing, it’s something to be proud of. Even though you may break soon, there is always time to get back up and start over. Let it go, this too shall pass.
Wow, I understood EVERY SINGLE WORD you wrote. I haven’t SIed in almost two weeks (that’s funny, seems like you stopped exactly a week before me. It’s 1 week and 6 days) and I feel the same way. People telling me to stop doesn’t make me stop! In fact, it makes the urge stronger because I feel so stupid for doing it. You know what I mean?
“Is it crazy to say that i feel like i miss it ??” Those words are the ones I have literally been terrified to say! But they could have come from my mouth if I was as brave as you to admit it. It’s so weird how I look at my scars fading and I feel this sense of loss. I don’t want them to fade. They are my pain I can’t express. If they fade, I feel like it was all meant for nothing.
Just know that I know EXACTLY what you’re saying in this whole blog. If you want, you can email me any time. visiblyperfectinvisiblyscarred@gmail.com
Stay strong. I know you can do it. Three weeks is fantastic! I haven’t gone that long in a really long time. Good job for lasting as long as you have! 🙂
Winterpassing32- That’s what i keep thinking to myself that if i do end up falling again then it’s not the end of the world. All i would have to do is just start from scratch and try again.
VisiblyPerfect_InvisiblyScarred- It gets so frustrating when all they say is ” just stop” because it’s easier said than done. I agree though it does make the urge stronger because by saying those words it’s as if you’re overreacting and then i do end up feeling stupid for doing this. My scars are fading too and i hate my scars but i miss doing what i do to feel better because to me it was so much easier than having to deal with the strong urges i get. Thanks i haven’t gone this long since April.
Hi icecream8
It’s difficult sometimes for people who haven’t SI to understand exactly what it’s like. To people on the outside, it’s either something we do for attention, or something that we want to do for the heck of it. They don’t realize that it is, in fact, an addiction, and one that doesn’t just “go away” if we want it to.
My advice is not to stop talking to your friends, but educate them if they want to know. Some will understand, and unfortunately some won’t, and that’s the nature of it. I’d also seek others who have gone through what you have – being friends with fellow self-injurers can be rewarding, because it helps to compare stories and it gives each other a sense of community, as well as a foundation for one another.
Thank you for sharing your story! It sounds like you’re on the right path, and I wish you the best of luck. I have faith that you will get through this.
i went through a bad break up last year and i was devastated, i guess thats when i started SI. now im over the break up, i have a new boyfriend and great friends im not depressed and my life is fine, but i stil SI, i feel like its an addiction and something i need to do and i cant talk to my friends because they just judge me and dont understand.im always trying to cover my scars but its hard in the summer so i use creams to get rid of them but there still there.
i just joinded this website, i was hoping someone could give me an insight into how they are feeling and to see if there is anyone who is in the same situation as me
thanks
AnthonyD- I really wished that this would just go away that i never started this in 5th grade but i can’t go back in time and change things. It is an addiction and every time i try and stop i end up going back. 3 weeks i’m happy about but at the same time i feel like i’m gonna break soon.
ellie jo- It is an addiction i’ve been doing this for 7 years off and on and my senior year of high school was bad it was a cycle where i would continue to go back to it. I graduated high school 3 weeks ago and that was the last time i SIed.