self took all of my strnegth to not call S.A.F.E today. i was,am, under the influence and I was desperate. We drove to St. Pete. about 30 mins fom where we lvie to go t the beach. a nice relaxing day at the beach. is that so much to ask for? apparently. we were broke down for about an hour. finally the car started and we ended up gointg to a beach in our county.thatkn god. it wass nice. I could only thinkg hurtin myeslf. it’s all i c an think about. there were tools in the glovebox. I didnt use them but they were there and now I want to./ I’d use anything. I want anything. my car is messded up. her car is messed up. How are we going to get to work, therapy, tyhe grocery store ? I hate not having money. I’m so stressed. SI feels like my only outlet :.(