I have been through a lot in the past 3 1/2, going on 4 years of my life. But I never thought I’d be going through what I am going through now. I never expected to gain a friend who would hear me out about my SIing…..listen to me cry, be there for me, care about me, tell me it’s gonna be ok when I thought It never would be, teach me how to laugh when I couldn’t remember how it sounds…..And LOVE  me. And what surprised me even more…Is just how much I love them back. SI can distort a lot of ways that you used to see things….Everything becomes so secretive, so hidden. Touch is pain and Love is the worst. And to get so close to someone? Anyone? Never. Gonna. Happen. Or at least that’s what I told myself. Maybe I said it because I thought It would be easier. Maybe it was all just another wall I felt I had to build to protect myself. Whatever the reason, it’s all come crumbling down around me. I just want You back…I Love You. I promised myself I couldn’t, Told myself I wouldn’t. That it was impossible to ever feel this way about someone. “Why would anyone want you? You are Broken, You are pieces” I said. But He did….He told me I was beautiful. Said I was Awesome, and His smiles Lit me up- and made me happier than Si ever could. But then It all fell apart….and just as happy as he made me, he broke me in more ways than SI ever did. I can’t stop looking at your pictures….Can’t  forget the way your eyes said everything, or the laugh…Yes…Your laugh used to light up my skies…Now the memory of it darkens my days. I miss you….I miss you so much!!! More than you would ever think. But No. I won’t go back to you- I won’t talk to you again. I refuse. And It’s not just my pride talking. It’s the fact that I can’t let myself feel the same….not  like I did. Not when I can’t believe you. I always told myself that You were too good to be true- It was just too good to believe that my best friend- who was closer to me than anyone, could except everything about me AND Love me too. I don’t know what to believe about “Us” anymore….but a lot has changed since then. I have a job now. I moved to a new place, got a cool hairdo now too! hahaha! But everyday I think about You. And I think about all these changes and how many more I want to come. I think about what you’re doing now… how badly I’d love to tell you  everything you’ve missed about me, and then I think about how strong I feel for everyday I don’t SI. Even in the darker moments…When Love hurts just like now, and when I say out loud I’m over you and don’t  mean a word of it. And when my heart aches for you and I still hold myself back from crying out to you…I think about what I am now, Who I am Now, And How Far I’ve come. I Love You. Three simple words that I will never take back, and despite it all…. I’ll never regret.