I’m going to be a senior next year, class of 2012. I know what colleges I want to apply to and I know what I definitely want to major in. I know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I know what I want to do if I don’t get accepted into any colleges, and it’s not a good thing. I hate feeling like a failure and if I don’t get accepted, I will feel like an epic failure. You don’t even know. So if I don’t get in, then my plan is to quit my sobriety run, currently nine months one week and zero days, and go back to injuring. Why not? I’d already be a failure who can’t get into college, what harm will there be if I go back to what helped me get through the stressful and overwhelming obstacles. I don’t think I have the guts to resort to drugs, but I could resort to alcohol if I knew the right people. I get almost straight A’s. I can’t get a job to save my life. I was injuring for four years before I was pretty much forced to stop. But then again, I almost think I forced myself to stop. I went through a really bad episode before I went on this stupid sobriety run, I was struggling with disordered eating and I lost control with injuring and I “wrote” things that were really hateful. It terrified me and that was when I felt like I should stop. Lately, it’s been a different story. I don’t know what to do and I almost want to give up my sobriety. I don’t care anymore.