13 days without SI and i still have the butterflies on my arm that i drew from last night that are fading. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today but i have this urge to SI again after 13 long days. This may seem selfish but some reason i want a friend to tell me that i matter to them .. i told her how much she mattered to me yesterday because she was having a bad day but sometimes i need to know that i matter too; that i’m worth something to someone, that i’m important and mean something to a persons life. I feel alone today and worthless, but some days i assume things, or i second guess my one best friend and it makes me feel like a bad person. I tell her she matters and in the moment it’s like i don’t need her to tell me it back and she told me i was a really great friend but sometimes it’s me just questioning whether i’m really a good friend or a good person.. do i even help people? Do i matter? Would their life be better if they didn’t become friends with me?I want to SI because i don’t feel like i matter today i just want to do what i always do. What’s wrong with me i just want to hide from the world today i just want to SI because i know that some how that helps me. I probably make no sense.
Icecream… we are here, even if you have no clue who we are. You matter to us, everybody here is fighting. Or did, or cares. Nobody would be here if they didn’t care.
I had a friend… like the one you’re talking about. I tell her all the time she matters to me, or that she’s beautiful or whatever. I never got anything back in return… and I was pulled down more because of it. I always had to watch what I said, and she ended up being a trigger in the end. She’s no longer my friend, and it’s never been easier. I’m not saying you have to do this, I’m just saying be careful, don’t let yourself emotionally fall. You’re your own best friend.
I think that’s why i always turn to this site because no matter how alone i feel right now i know that i have everyone on this site that’s going through or already went through what i’m going through. I don’t feel as alone when i’m on here and i don’t feel as different.
The hard thing about this site though… is that it forces reality upon you. Knowing that this is real. It’s scary.
I agree facing reality is scary for me to take a step back and realize what i do causes me to question everything.
i can totally relate. sometimes is hard not to SI but know that there are people willing to help you and remember to ALWAYS talk outyour feelngds instead ofacting out on them.
That’s the hardest part to actually talk about my feelings I just dont know how to. Words don’t come easy to me when it comes to how I feel.