What I love most, about playing sports, and the one I’m in is softball, is the relief afterwards. It is a completely healthy way to just let everything out. It was wierd the other day, because somebody saw my butterfly and said it was pretty and I froze, wondering if they knew the meaning behind it…
But I had a double hitter today. It is perfect relief. Sometimes I am harder on myself then the coach, but then again, at least that is my control of the feeling. That’s what everything is about it seems, is control. As long as I control when I am up to bat what happens, I am good. I can be completely into the game and forget about my eating disorders or my SI for just a few hours. Even if my team loses, I feel safe and secure. As long as I do my best… and even if it isn’t my best, I yell at myself for it.
During those few hours… I feel completely normal. And when I get home, my problems don’t matter for just a few brief hours.
The best feeling in the world. I can be normal too.