I had another dream about him yesterday. He held me in his arms and told me he was sorry for what he had done. I had my daughter with him. Her eyes were exactly like his she had his lips. She has my hair. She was just perfect. I woke up in tears, the thought that she will never be alive because of him hurts my heart to the core. I know she would have made me proud. The thought that my little Angelica will be someone else daughter makes me weak inside. I feel worried that I will never let the break up go. I blame him for making me not trust him again or other people. I SI to try to get my mind off him. I havent SI since I was 12. I remember the first time like I was crying. I want to do it again but I dont want to hurt my brother. I promised him I wouldnt but its just so hard to resist. The tool is next to my bed. What do I do?
Get rid of what you use… if you don’t want to that badly, get rid of it. Through it in the lake. Or a pond or something… That’s what I’m going to do soon. I’m sorry about your dreams… they are what hurt the most, is the What If What if. The wishes. Then you wake up and realize it’s not real. It’s painful. Try to make it longer… I hope it’s not to late already.
I didnt SI I just simply stared at it and realized even if I do injure I will let him win. I need to prove to him and most importantly myself, that I do deserve better and happiness.