I had another dream about him yesterday. He held me in his arms and told me he was sorry for what he had done. I had my daughter with him. Her eyes were exactly like his she had his lips. She has my hair. She was just perfect. I woke up in tears, the thought that she will never be alive because of him hurts my heart to the core. I know she would have made me proud. The thought that my little Angelica will be someone else daughter makes me weak inside. I feel worried that I will never let the break up go. I blame him for making me not trust him again or other people. I SI to try to get my mind off him. I havent SI since I was 12. I remember the first time like I was crying. I want to do it again but I dont want to hurt my brother. I promised him I wouldnt but its just so hard to resist. The tool is next to my bed. What do I do?