I’m so tired of waking up with shaking hands and a pounding head. I continue to poison my body with alcohol, and like all the other times, this time was no different. My girlfriend and I went to a house warming party last night. I was having a great time, everyone was laughing and we were all having fun and then I started to get sad and dizzy. I have a friend who is kind of mean, but she just has a warped sense of humor. She can get a little out of control with her words sometimes and she called me weird a lot in front of everyone, which is usually ok but I kind of felt ganged up on and I was already having a super self-conscious day. I got up like I had to use the restroom and I self-injured in their restroom. It wouldn’t have been a big deal except that I ended up needing some help. It was just a big emotionally messy blur after that. I felt so embarrassed. I cannot believe I used an unsterile tool in my friends bathroom on impulse and then that I had to leave. I feel so incredibly stupid. I messed up. Despite my mess ups, I’m still not giving up and giving in. I guess I just have to keep moving forward and not focus on my mistakes. I’ll have a lot to talk about in therapy Wednesday : /