Lately, I’ve been having issues in my brain. Duhh. I’ve been thinking a lot about what would happen if I told my parents. What would happen to my family. You see, my family is the perfect family. Nothing ever ever ever happens in my family. No one gets divorced, no one drinks, smokes, addicted to drugs. No one has babies before they’re married. It just doesn’t happen in my family. (please note I am NOT bashing anyone or their family that goes through these.)
If I were to let my family in on my little secret, I would be the bug to screw up my family. Finally, something WRONG happened to my family. Something that would ruin their perfect image. Something that would give them a little shake. But I NEED something. Sometimes I wonder if my mom really could help. Or if she would just lock me in the basement and never let me see the light of day in fear of being imperfect. The pressure to be perfect in my family is so high. My brother and sister have both been wonderful children and never have anything like this happen to them. And I would be the one to screw everything up. Which makes me want to SI more, so I do. Ugh. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get my life together like everyone else.
🙁 help?
You may feel like you have the perfect family, I did, but there is almost always something imperfect in everyone’s family. Just because you don’t know about it doesn’t mean there aren’t bad things that have happened.
My mom for instance kept her mental illness diagnosis a secret from us for a long,long time and put up a really good act when needed in front of the right people. It wasn’t real though.
I was afraid of the same thing as you. I am the oldest of 4 and I was the perfect student, polite, respectful kid who never did anything wrong and I felt I had that image to live up to for my parents.
Once the secrets came out of the closet, I felt a huge sense of relief and soon came to realize my brother and sisters and parents werent as perfect as I thought they were.
Admitting you have a problem with SI may rock the boat a bit but it doesn’t screw everything up, and just because you have an issue with SI doesn’t make you a bad daughter, not at all! If your family is as close and lovely as they sound then maybe they would do everything they could to help you.
You are most definitely NOT a screw up because you hurt yourself. This blog is a family of sorts, not by traditional standards, but we all share something in common and are all here for love, comfort, and support, so if nothing else, you have all of us. If you choose to confide in your family about your self-injury and things do get bad,remember that YOU are not the screw up. Sometimes people just don’t know how to react and don’t understand at first.
Stay strong 🙂
thank you for being so positive