its just all too much. too much stress, depression, family problems, denial, sadness, being scared to figure out who i am and how i fit in with the whole big picture. i slipped up and feel like such a failure for it. 🙁

i’m coming to terms with the fact that i’m addicted to the feeling si gives me. i used to think i had pretty good impulse control…now it doesnt even matter because i really dont care much as to whether i do or not…i just wanted to be able to breathe and si helped me breathe…whats so scary is it is on my mind everyday. its wearing me down. i cant take this.