1 week and 4 days since i last SIed i came soo close to doing it last night i picked my tool up and spent time thinking about it and put it back down. I distracted myself with music and it got to the point where i needed someone so i texted a friend. I refused to do what i’ve only known for 7 years and it felt really good to refuse something that has had so much control over me. The counselor at school has helped me over the last 3 months and now i’m graduating High School next week and she keeps trying to remind me that i could end up going back and if i do then i’ll just have to start at step one again. It feels good to last even though i’ve had these bad urges and some days i just don’t want to stop doing this to myself because it helps me for that moment and calms me down but i’m starting to get it and understand that this will take time and i will have moments where i could go and SI but i just have to be optimistic and go back to step one and take one day at a time. I’m not saying i’m done and will never SI again but i’m saying i lasted a week and 4 days something i haven’t been able to do these last 3 weeks. I’m not promising myself that i wont SI but i’m promising myself that if i do SI again i wont give up i’ll just try again. It’s a struggle that could take a long time to really change everything but day by day right? One day at time i don’t have to stop 100% but if i lessen it then maybe with time i can be SI free for a month or 5 months or a year.