Well I’m not very good at sharing my feelings. Feels very stupid. But, 14 years of 12 step meetings have conditioned me to. I know it’s what I need to do if I’m going to keep from hurting myself. I have had self injurious behaviors since I was a teen. But when I got sober 14 years ago they became my source of coping until I learned how to cope like other people through therapy. That took a real long time, week after week, year after year. But it worked and I have not been hospitalized since. Except, I got real complacent with working my recovery and stopped going to meetings and counseling. I thought I was better, and I was. But I am and always will be someone who has to be vigilant about my sanity. I worked hard for it, it should be protected no matter what. So when life broadsided me a few weeks ago and I had no support system in place and to much pride to reach out to those who would take me in with loving arms I hurt myself. So I am back in meetings and totally reorganized my priorities. I’m back in counseling with the woman who helped me grow up the first time around but I have never, ever reached out to others who hurt themselves. I Don’t know one other person who does it. And to find this place tonight was a bit shocking. I am craving the relief. So instead of doing that, I’m doing this.
This is a great and a very safe place to reach out. It sounds like things may be very difficult for you now but you are handling things in some healthy ways. Good for you for going to your meetings and back to therapy as well. As far as reaching out to other who injure themselves, I can also suggest the self injury foundation website for referrals to support groups or treatment in your area.
I am just another person who has been through it, wavering between food issues and self injury and enjoying a bit of stability now for the last year. It has been a long road.
You are not alone. And as you read in my other post, you were not born hating yourself, nor were you born with the idea that you should harm yourself. I hope you can find some comfort and support you need and want here. I wish you well and I wish you healing.
I’m glad you did this instead of that. Your blog really inspired me. The part that you’ve been sober for 14 years. That makes you such a strong person. My therapist, and anyone else I’ve confided in keeps telling me to go to AA meetings but I have yet to go.
“But I am and always will be someone who has to be vigilant about my sanity.”
I’m pretty sure that is me. I have to repeat what barista said before me, this is such a great,safe place to reach out. It’s so strong of you to recognize when you need help and to go back to meetings and reorganize your priorities.
I also wish you well and healing. Thanks for inspiring me to go to meetings. I havent yet, but I hope to find the courage.
Wow! Thank you for responding ladies. It is nice to “meet” someone like me. Thank you for your encouragement.
I just came from a meeting and it feels good to get back to the basics. It’s just that it’s not the place to discuss hurting myself, I wish I didn’t feel like such a freak. Any way the bottom line is as long as I am handling my core issues, and my addictions the other stuff should handle themselves. It is good to have found this blog, and I do have my therapist who understands. What is scary to me is to know that I can be triggered so quickly. I know it will take a while for me to feel like I’m on solid ground again, I look forward to that. This time I won’t take it for granted!
@baristasteph, AA meetings were very difficult for me to get the hang of. I especially hated being around alcoholic men, it just wasn’t safe for me, to much history. (now I fully love and accept them, no issue at all) It wasn’t until I found a women’s meeting where I actually felt like I was home. It really did feel like home. AA saved my life and my marriage. My son doesn’t have to live with a drinking mom thank God! I found my self there, I found my sanity. Obviously I have no idea where you live but in most cases all you have to do is google “AA meeting list” for your county and you’ll find it. Then, look under the coding for the type off meeting it is. I urge you to start with a women’s meeting. I look forward to hearing about it when you decide the time is right for you to go.
Thank you. I actually have the meetings website for my area saved into my favorites, I just can’t get to the actual going part.Ya know…do I just walk in? Do I have to talk? Do I have to commit to being sober? Little things like that make me too nervous to go. Thank you for the advice on different kinds of meetings, I think a women’s meeting would be a good place for me to start. Not that there is anything at all wrong with men but I can’t imagine being comfortable with mostly men.
I’m glad you feel good about going to your meeting and getting back on track, that’s awesome.
Good for you having the info. YES going is the hardest part. You don’t have to say a word. Nor even commit to anything. Just getting there is all you need to. You are welcome to email me any time if you have questions.