Well I’m not very good at sharing my feelings.  Feels very stupid.  But, 14 years of 12 step meetings have conditioned me to.  I know it’s what I need to do if I’m going to keep from hurting myself.  I have had self injurious behaviors since I was a teen.  But when I got sober 14 years ago they became my source of coping until I learned how to cope like other people through therapy.  That took a real long time, week after week, year after year.  But it worked and I have not been hospitalized since.  Except, I got real complacent with working my recovery and stopped going to meetings and counseling.  I thought I was better, and I was.  But I am and always will be someone who has to be vigilant about my sanity.  I worked hard for it, it should be protected no matter what.  So when life broadsided me a few weeks ago and I had no support system in place and to much pride to reach out to those who would take me in with loving arms I hurt myself.  So I am back in meetings and totally reorganized my priorities.  I’m back in counseling with the woman who helped me grow up the first time around but I have never, ever reached out to others who hurt themselves. I Don’t know one other person who does it.  And to find this place tonight was a bit shocking.   I am craving the relief.  So instead of doing that, I’m doing this.