Well I’m not very good at sharing my feelings. Feels very stupid. But, 14 years of 12 step meetings have conditioned me to. I know it’s what I need to do if I’m going to keep from hurting myself. I have had self injurious behaviors since I was a teen. But when I got sober 14 years ago they became my source of coping until I learned how to cope like other people through therapy. That took a real long time, week after week, year after year. But it worked and I have not been hospitalized since. Except, I got real complacent with working my recovery and stopped going to meetings and counseling. I thought I was better, and I was. But I am and always will be someone who has to be vigilant about my sanity. I worked hard for it, it should be protected no matter what. So when life broadsided me a few weeks ago and I had no support system in place and to much pride to reach out to those who would take me in with loving arms I hurt myself. So I am back in meetings and totally reorganized my priorities. I’m back in counseling with the woman who helped me grow up the first time around but I have never, ever reached out to others who hurt themselves. I Don’t know one other person who does it. And to find this place tonight was a bit shocking. I am craving the relief. So instead of doing that, I’m doing this.