I’m sick of doing things to impress people or to make them change how they treat me but it does nothing. I’m tired of being a slave and bending over backwards just to get a pat on the back from someone that never even comes. I’m tired of coping through SI and going through life like everything is perfect and I’m fine. I hate that the little things are what make me SI.
I want to be better. It’s not even funny how much I want to be better! I don’t want to SI! I want to stop, now! I hate it. I hate myself for doing it. It helps in the moment, definitely, but I know that I shouldn’t do it. I know I’m going to regret it when I get older and the scars still show.
I just want to be HAPPY. Oh man, that’s ALL i want. I just want peace. Peace would be amazing. I feel restless! Like on edge all the time! I can’t stand it. I don’t know what to do. I hate that all it takes is my sister being a jerk to me to make me break down into tears and run away to my room. I hate hating myself! I hate feeling terrible everyday all day because I can’t stand myself. Why can’t I just be comfortable in my own skin??? Is that too much to ask!? God created me, who are THEY to tell me I’m worthless and make me feel like there’s no point in living!? God gave me this body, who am I to destroy it? Yet that’s exactly what happens.
What do I do! PLEASE tell me now. I can’t take it much longer, I honestly can’t. I’m going to blow up and it’s not going to be pretty. Nothing I do ever is good! I tell my friend I SI, she basically just ignores me when I need to talk and complains about her own life. I told my big sister, she doesn’t even bring it up again and says she can’t help me. I CAN’T tell my parents or they’ll freak. What if I told a youth pastor i know? Anyone thing that’s a good idea?
I’m just so drained. I want to go to sleep and then just lay in bed all day tomorrow. But I can’t. Someone please comment. I need help. Now.
Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn’t straight her body isn’t fake
And she’s always felt overweight
Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are
[Chorus]
There could never be a more beautiful you
Don’t buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you
Little girl twenty-one the things that you’ve already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you’ve got a man but he’s got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead
Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there’s a man whose love is true
And he’ll treat you like the jewel you are
[chorus]
So turn around you’re not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It’s not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who’s strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl
[chorus]
**************
Don’t worry, God understands self injury, and He isn’t mad at you for doing it. He loves you. Every silent tear, every feeling of hate, He understands. He’s waiting for the day that His princess (aka YOU) would come to Him and give over her TOOL. Even if you self injure, He understand and He still loves you.
A good friends (I met on this site) told me that…
Go listen to the song More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz……
Remember, God isn’t mad at you for self injury. He understands. Every tear you cry, every time you injure, He understands. He’s not mad at you for it. He still loves you!!! He’s waiting for the day that his princesses (us) will hand over our tools to Him, so that He can save us, but until then, He’s still holding us in His arms! 🙂