I was in school today. I was fine. I got into the car with my dad. I was fine. I got home and my mom was there and I lost it. I went to the bathroom before she could notice and I told myself to just put on a smile. Just make a happy face and everything will be fine. Well, I did put on a happy face and I did smile and act like everything was fine. But it wasn’t. Nothing is ever okay. I want to SI right now more than anything. I know I won’t feel okay afterwards, but I’ll feel okay that second I do it. Is it worth it?? I feel like it is but I know it’s not. It’s like mind over body but my bodies winning. It would be so easy to go downstairs and tell my mom what’s happening. Why I never act actually happy anymore. But no. All I would be to her then is a disappointment.