Tomorrow would have hit the 2 week mark of being clean and free from SI. I screwed it up and i don’t know how i’m supposed to feel about it. I wanted to SI friday but i resisted the urges no matter how strong. Today i just thought a lot about college and all these projects and presentations i have to do. I started to freak about the fact that i’m graduating high school soon and i’m scared and stressed. I tried holding out i started yelling at my mom because i was just fighting temptations that she doesn’t know about. She started telling me how i’m never gonna find a boyfriend with that attitude and blah so eventually i broke. I’m sorry and i’m really upset at myself. I don’t know what to do i mean the counselor at school told me as long as i tried to resist and did but eventually relapsed it was okay. It was only okay because it meant i was fighting the urge. She told me everyone made mistakes and if i did it again it just meant i had to jump back on my feet and try again. To me it means weakness it means failure and disappointment. She says i’ve made progress why don’t i see that? Why is this so hard to get over? I started when i was in 5th grade and i stopped then started again last year and stopped for 6 months then started again my senior year. What’s wrong with me? Why try so hard if i’m just gonna fail..:(