I’m going to have to start out the summer covering up, fortunately it’s been chilly and rainy lately. :/ it’s been almost a week and my injuries are starting to fade. I’m going to try drawing on myself instead of SIing, maybe it will take the edge off, and as long as i can keep it a secret until they fade then i wont care how much my mom yells at me for it. she doesnt get it. I still dont know how my parents manage to look at me everyday, even when i cover up everyday for an entire week that feels like the middle of July instead of the middle of May and not see anything, i mean, part of me wants them to never ever find out so that i can keep going and keep doing it, but part of me wants them to see me one day and have click in their heads tha i’m not alright. without me having to show them physically first. this will be my first summer that i have to go through with scars, i’m not sure how i’ll get away with it without anyone seeing. I dont want my grandparents or my youth pastor or my friends to see. i want to hide in a closet, i want to be able to cover up all the time so that i dont feel so vulnerable. I want a boyfriend but i dont because i dont want to have to deal with any drama, and i dont want to have to tell someone else, because if  i’m going to commit to him at all then i’m going to have to tell him. I’m so confused and scared.

Lord help me, and God bless you.