Goodbye tool. The counselor at school on thursday wanted me to bring my tool into school so i did but then decided there was no way i can throw it away i even told her that. She made me take it out and i hesitated i went from being comfortable to no longer feeling comfortale in any way. Taking that out in front of her was like revealing this huge secret and letting her in on it. She tried to get me to do it by showing something personal to her and i stil couldn’t. I stood there in a room with her and she said she could wait so eventually i took it out. We talked about it and then she took it just to look at it i guess and saying how i’m giving it so much power and control over me. Eventually her taking it caused greater anxiety. I was tempted at that moment and she told me i can take it back but i felt like it was safer to leave it with her like she said to and i did thinking i would at least get it back at the end of the day. She wanted to check up on me so told me to come at the end and i did but she said as a counselor who was concerned she couldn’t give it back knowing why i need it and gave me two options. 1. To leave it there for a week or 2 throw it out that day. If i left it for a week i thought it would cause greater anxiety knowing where it is and not being able to get to it so i threw it out and it wasn’t easy. All i thought about was my tool when i went home and i even cried. Why do i have an attachment with this thing? I searched for another one and found one and all i wanna do is just use it. On monday it will be 2 weeks that i haven’t SIed and now of course i want to give up and give in.