I have tried for years to find out what being “Perfect” means.
Elementary school was probably some of the hardest times of my life, as I remember.
I am very overweight for my age, and I feel… excluded. I feel like my parents favor my other siblings more than me.
I have always been pressured by my family to has great grades, and I have always met their expectations.
My father has always been harder on me, and it is because I am the oldest.
My grades are dropping. I can’t sleep. And I have started to SI.
I feel empty inside. I feel hollow. I feel unwanted.
I can’t bring myself to tell my parents about it, it would break their hearts. And I love them too much to do that.
But I don’t know what to do, or where to turn to anymore.
I know that I need help, and I WANT help.
But I have no one to turn to.
Why is this happening to me? Why can’t I be perfect? Why do I have to SI to feel… okay?
Please, can anyone help me?
I know EXACTLY what you’re saying! I feel like you pulled those words out of my brain or something. A few things are different, of course, because everyone is different and reacts to things differently. I won’t say I know exactly what you’re feeling but I understand what you’re saying.
I feel like the pressure to be perfect has been like thrust upon me (and you) unfairly and, being human, we are just incapable of living up to it. But we feel like we have to! And when that doesn’t happen, we continue trying to be perfect by hiding our imperfections. In our cases, it’s through SI.
You not being able to tell your parents about it is something I relate completely to. My parents can never find out either. We care too much about them to break their hearts like that…and then we’d feel guilty for making them feel guilty, and it would just be a mess.
But telling SOMEONE, anyone…a friend, a teacher you trust, a counselor, a…sibling if you choose. Telling just one of those, or someone else you think of, takes SO much pressure off of you that it’s indescribable. It doesn’t fix anything per-say, but it gives you hope for that was not there before. Just think about it.
If you want to talk more about this outside of SAFE, just let me know your email address and we can message each other.
why does that sound so familiar??? Oh yea!! Now i remember!! I feel that way too!!! Talking about it helps girl. Trust me. Even to people you don’t know. I have a counselor (my parents doesn’t know), but the thing that helped me the most so far was talking to other girls that SI aswell. Sharing the feelings. Email me any time you want! My email adress is complicated.little.one@gmail.com
I wish I could go to a counceler, but I am only fourteen, so I have no way of doing so. And I am terrified, that if I tell a friend, that they would tell my parents. I just feel so, alone.