The one thing i want to do i’m using every strength i have in my body not to. My brother knows that i SI now and his first reaction was questioning whether or not he can trust me to be home alone any more. He text me wondering what i was thinking and the only reason he’s asking is because he’s worried after finding out i SI. I get that he worries but i just want him to look at me the same i don’t need him looking at me like i’m crazy i mean he did say i can be placed into a hospital for this. I started off with a good day and with that text i ended with me rushing out of school and driving home because i knew what i wanted to do. I needed to be home so i can have the choice to do it if i need to. Senior year is almost over and senior skip day keeps getting reschedualed but now prom is this week which means everyone is gonna see my scars. I have projects due in a few weeks and graduation .. this should be the best part of my life but i’m stressed and feel like no one understands. I started wearing short sleeves … and i felt like everyone was looking when i know it’s not true. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again, i want to not have these anxiety attacks or impulses to SI. I’m trying to hold out right now but i don’t know if i can last. I just want to give up i haven’t SIed in a week and i want to give in to this urge i have right now.
I think that’s cool your brother is watching out for you.For me personally, being home alone IS dangerous if I’m having a hard time with wanting to hurt myself. I spent my senior year self injurying and being lonely and thinking to myself “isn’t this supposed to be the ‘best time of my life’ ” when really, it just sucked and I couldn’t wait to get out of there. I stopped self injuring after senior year…picked it up again a few years later. I also understand about the short sleeves thing and bing paranoid about people noticing your scars. Just a few days ago I panicked beecause I completely forgot I have to be in my little sisters wedding in August.ugh. I have no idea what I have to wear. Keep your head up and try to fight the urge, you’ll feel a little more in control of your life if you do 🙂
The counselor at school told me the scars aren’t noticeable the only reason i feel that way is because there’s emotions that went with the scars. I SIed last week so it looks healed but i still get scared people are gonna point out my scars and talk because i don’t know what i would do if that happened. Yeah being home alone is dangerious last thursday i had the strongest urge in the world eventually after anxiety attacks at school and trying to avoid talking to the counselor i eventually went to her. She did not believe being home alone was the best thing that day so she involved my friend who knows and had me go to her house.
i was heavy into injuring last year as a junior and i realized i was wasting my entire year being depressed. A lot had gone wrong and i found injuring as the only relief from it. Over the summer i decided that i was going to make the most of my senior year, even if i wasn’t happy i would put on a strong face and try to at least forget about the problems while i was at school or in sports. During the winter i started getting really depressed again and i had my days where i wanted to injure but instead, although embarassing at the time, i broke down at a basketball practice and started bawling because of all i had bottled up inside of me. Its ok to break down!! your friends will understand and they will help you through it. although i ocassionally still injure its not as often as it used to be which is a step in the right direction. try talking to your friends or your bro about it and i garuntee they will help you through:) stay strong:)
Every just feel so tired of fighting that you just wanna give in?
yes. yesyesyes. that’s how i’m feeling right now. i’ve been fighting so hard and all i wanna do is just give up and give in. i’m sorry you’re feeling like this sweetie and i hope you can talk to someone about it because you cant keep it inside. it will only hurt you the longer you keep it inside.
It’s only been a week since the last time i SIed and some reason looking at my scars make me wanna do it even more. Urges are things i’m trying to fight but i feel like i’m losing.