I really thought I was past this, that I had won and all of this was behind me.  But now the urge is back and even stronger then it was before.  I want to tell someone, but it almost feels as if there is something phisically stopping me every time I try.  I don’t even know what I would say if I did get help since I don’t even know what I am thinking or feeling right now, lost, confused, sad, alone, scared, anxious, nervous, nothing, no one word seems to be right.  It feels as if there is a war going on in my brain. One side is telling me to give in to the urges, it ‘helped’ before and it will again.  The other side is yelling that I should keep fighting and get help.  So far I have resisted that easy way out, but if I can’t make myself get help soon I don’t know how much longer I can keep fighting.  How do I make myself get over my fear and get help?