Some times i wonder if anyone would actually care if they found out i injure.
I feel like im wearing a mask by not telling them. I want to tell them but i have no clue how. I keep trying to come up with things to do when i have an urge. I havent injured since wednesday april 4 of this year so less than a week which is nothing to be proud of…
i made it 3 weeks before.
i wanna get help and quit injuring for good.
But the feelings of hopelessness and despair and numbness come back.
i want to quit but on days like today i feel so much like injuring.
Do the urges ever go away?
I want to get help but im having trouble fathoming ways to tell ppl.
Wat happens once u tell ppl?
How do they react?
I want to tell ppl but im not sure how or wat they will say and its scares me the thought of voicing the fact that i injure aloud.
Im afraid though that if i dont tell then i will continue to injure and i wont be able to stop.
I wish i could
I remember the first time I told someone, I was so terrified. He was my first boyfriend. He wanted to know what my darkest secret, and of course, my darkest secret was and still is, that I injure. He wasn’t shocked at all, why? Because he caught on way before we started dating. What did he do? He hugged me the next time he saw me. What did he do when I told him that I still have my tools and I’m craving so badly? He told me to throw them away immediately, or if that’s too hard, give them to him the next time I saw him. It was too hard, so I gave them to him. He’s been there for me ever since, even though we broke up three months into dating, and not because of my secret, it was because we just didn’t match romantically, but more friendship wise.
Now for your other questions, do the urges ever go away? It doesn’t exactly go away right yet, but they fade. It gets easier, way easier, but it takes time and patience and someone by your side.
What happens once you tell people? You don’t have to tell the whole world, just someone whom you trust with anything, and isn’t judgmental. He/She will probably either be incredibly shocked or not at all. They’ll ask why, and what got you there. How long had this been going on. What can they do to help.
Tell someone when you’re ready. Write out how you want to tell someone, review it, then imagine realistically how they would react to you saying that, don’t go too far of the deep end in imagination.
You will be able to stop when you’re ready and when you truly believe that you can do this. Not when someone tells you to stop or when you fear that you’ll lose someone due to injuring. It’s your choice, your decision. Take your time and ease yourself into getting clean. Don’t start out with being clean forever. Try to make it through a day, then two more, then a week, another week, maybe a month. Reward yourself positively every time you reach your goal, it will get easier as time goes by and you get yourself into a routine.
I’m always here. I’m proud of you. You’re not alone.
If you ever need someone to talk to:: jeynann@yahoo.com
(: