I just SIed again, i was babysitting my sister and she got on my nerves and i couldnt stop myself and i spanked her. she started crying and i just stormed off. I felt so bad about it that i had to, i had to.  And I have to go to dinner with my parents tonight. i hate myself. I was doing so well…… there had been a dozen nights where i had resisted. I hate myself more than ever now, not just because i Sied but because i lost it with my sister. I hope i can make it through tonight. I dont think i could bear it if my parents found out.