I had a tough day yesterday i went to my weekly meetings with the counselor at school and showed her my recent SI that i did. She told me how lucky i am that it wasn’t enough to call my mom. Then later on i started having anxiety attacks because i was tempted and i had the strongest urge. I tried waiting it out but the temptations wouldn’t go away. Eventually i walked into the counselors office and told her that i was not doing so great. She was afraid i would go and SI because i was gonna go home to an empty house so she called one of my friends who know about me but before she left her question was to make sure i wasn’t going to hurt myself. I went to my friends house and it was okay she didn’t leave me alone and then i went home.. alone in an empty house knowing where everything was. Anxiety kicked back up and all i did was hide in my room under the blankets listening to music and being on this website. I didn’t SI even though it was so hard not to. I started wondering whether telling my mom would help her understand when i say i’m having a tough day i mean it. Today the counselor considered yesterday to be a crisis for me but i didn’t think i was that bad. I feel like i’m always tempted and i start to have these anxiety attacks and i don’t know what else to do. My first impulse is to SI because i don’t know what else to do. I confessed to the counselor today that i started when i was in 5th grade and she ended up calling the counseling that she reffered me to. They’re supposed to call me today or Monday.. and i’m really scared. I wish people would forget i feel like this is impossible and it scares me. Do i need to be in a treatment center for this to go away. Do i wanna end ? I’m lost and this temptation doesn’t wanna go away and i feel weak.