I want to feel again. I want to feel how I used to. I want to feel something other than pain and confusion and hatred. I want to stop all of the negative emotions that ever enter my body. I just want to go back to how I used to be. Like me a year ago. How can someone get addicted to something this awful? Why do I have to do this? Why can’t I just go back to normal and forget everything that has ever happened? Really, I just want to know why this was the card I get to play. This is incredibly stressful.