as the title enclines, this is a very sad story. if you do not wish to cry, weap or feel upset, turn away now. because this isnt pretty.

First Starting.

Sarah. she was my best friend. we did everything together and loved most all the same things. she showed me a way out of the pain of having a neglecting alcoholic mother in denile and a father who, well never mind. they were never together. not really. she used to buy me things all the time to make up for favoring my big brother over me. and i know why she did it. still, doesnt take away the hurt.

Alex has asthburgers. and hes the first born baby boy. momas baby boy.

she told me how people used to injure, because it desracts the pain from your heart to somewhere else. but soooner or later, it just began to feel good.

it was never bad until i moved. away from  sarah and my family. my mother running from her problems, again. and away from my dad who was now in jail.  my mother was quite happy about that.

so the injuring continued and my pain subsided temperarily. but thats all it ever was. temperary. i met James. in midwest city oklahoma. i loved him in a way that wasnt ment to last. we both new it. but we enjoyed it while it lasted.

moving to oklahooma ruined my life. i lost my virginity, started using substances, and everything went downhill.

then suprise surprise my mom makes more trouble and moves me to texas. by this time, whenever i looked in the mirror all i saw was a gothic desperate for attention. i was 12 when i lost my virginity. and i know why for that too. ive spoken to enough shirnks to know my “phycological” reasoning.  but whatever. they didnt go threw it. they dont understand.

the first week my mother met a guy at a bar, and we moved in with him. that man is now my stepdad. but i know she doesnt really love him. she never does. shes an alcoholc gold digger.

i met luke in august 2010. the same year we moved to texas.  weve been together ever since. and yes weve had sex and yes we fight alot. but i know without a doubt that hes all iwant relationship wise.

i found god again in january 2011. i dont know how to explain any of that so ill just leave that be.

so here i am, about 7 years later. i still use substances. and im still using self injery as my escape.

at the moment, my stepdad blames me for literally everything, even things that hteres no possible way could be my fault. my boyfriends mother is trying to keep us apart because she blames me for every thing luke does wrong. (no one will ever be good enough for he lil boy) and theres just so much that i really dont feel like posting. if you ask, ill tell. but for now, heres the overview of my story. this is without all the details, so i guess yourprobably not crying or upset. idk i guess i just hoped. so i dont know what else to say other than, if you can help me, im here with open arms. im tired of doing this alone.