I screwed up and i’m sorry. I SIed last night and to me i felt like i had no other choice. I feel like my world is spinning and i’m just trapped in it.  I don’t know what’s normal any more.  When i do it i don’t feel it is that weird?  I have so many scars on me and evertime i look at it i get angry at myself. Like what’s wrong with me.. this tension built up to SI over the past week finally bursted last night. All i’m thinking about is how am i going to hide it all for senior prom so my mom wouldn’t see or anyone in general. Then there’s senior skip day and we’re going to the beach what am i gonna do? I’m ashamed of the scars and i hate them and don’t want people to know what i do.  When it comes to eating i use to not really eat i went from 115 pounds to 107 when i restricted myself and then my mom found out and i went back up to 115 now i’m 117 and i HATE IT. Some people say I have an eating disorder.  One of my friends does but i say it’s just a “diet gone wrong” am i lying to myself? Does eating at least one meal a day bad and when i’m hungry i fight it ? AM i anorexic?  I’m lost and confused on who i am.  I SIed last night .. i’m probably making no sense at all.  It’s like everytime i stop i start again WHY am i trying to stop if i can NEVER do it? I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I HATE MYSELF. What’s wrong with me? I’m just a big disappointment to the world and to my family and friends.  I don’t know what to feel.