I just don’t know what to do anymore. All I think about when I’m in bed at home is SI. If I should, how I should, with what i should do it with. Just everything. It’s like is consuming me. Like it’s the only temporary satisfaction that I have. Ugh. I hate it. I hate being such a disappointment to the one person that knows about it. It hurts him so much to know that I do. And yet, I still can’t stop. What’s wrong with me? :*(
You can’t blame yourself for SIing. Yes, it may hurt him, but you’re very lucky to have someone to care so much about you that it hurts them to see you in pain. I completely know what you mean about the “temporary satisfaction” – honestly, it stinks. I guess the only thing I can offer is guidance – I don’t know if you’ve tried these, but, try wearing a rubber band, holding ice cubes, taking a really hot/cold shower, or even drawing on yourself with red marker. Sometimes I write down my exact thoughts, like, my hand is sort of a “transcriptionist”, and it helps me to regroup and see if I’m thinking reasonably. I’m sorry if that doesn’t help.. but I wish the best for you in your recovery. You’re in my prayers.
that’s actually really good advice. it may not take care of everything. but there are definitely times when just writing things on my hand or wrists would help a lot.
I thank you, deeply.