I’ve had a real struggle with SI for quite sometime now. It’s like an addiction, which scares me now. I feel like I will feel the relief I’m looking for if I could just do it once. And I do, I feel better. But not for long. But that’s not what I thinking about. I only think about the small timeframe of relief that I will feel. I think about it all the time. And it’s so difficult to sit through nights in my bed just thinking about it. Looking at the very things that I use, just debating on if I should use them of not. I feel sick and tired all the time. Even if i got 8 hours of sleep and I’m not sick at all. I just feel so out of place. From everything. I don’t want to hurt anymore. Emotionally or physically.
I just want to go to sleep.