Again I am blogging to avoid self injuring. It seems to be a never ending urge these days. I keep having dreams about my cat who recently died and my grandma who recently died and I wake up crying and can’t get out of bed. Somehow I get myself to work, at work I’m ok, but when I get home it all settles in and I cannot breathe. When I SI lately, I feel like I can breathe, just for a moment I feel clear headed and like I can take a deep relaxing breath. I’ve never really felt that before with SI in all the years I’ve engaged in the act. I am ashamed and even though I know I’m not really alone, I feel like I’m alone in a big dark wooded forrest, lost and hopeless. Goodnight world.