I hurt so bad right now I had to blog to stop myself from injuring. I am dealing with a passive agressive spouse that can trigger me with one word or even one look. I want to injure sooooooooooo much right now. It is not his fault; this is too much for him to deal with on top of everything else we are struggling with already. But it feels like he is trying to purposefully cause me to hurt myself. I have either a huge gaping hole filled with pain OR I am so filled with rage and self-hate that I feel like lashing out or hurting myself. It is always more difficult near a holiday. I don’t want to be in the hospital for Easter. The kids would freak out. I don’t want to do that to them—they are too young to understand that “mommy needs help” but old enough to be frightened by my behavior. I don’t know what to do. I see a psychiatrist and a therapist. Myy meds have been tweaked about 5 times in 3 weeks. I literally feel like I am going crazy. Some of the meds made me feel like my skin was crawling. My hubby does not understand — sometimes it feels like he does not want to understand. I feel like he hates me and that they would all be better off with a “new mommy” instead of me. This is probably not a rational feeling, but is a very real feeling regardless of being induced by medication changes and brain chemicals. I want to make it past Easter with no hospital . . .how do I make it through TODAY!????!