My life is the life everyone would think perfect, the life everyone would love to have. My parents have money, they love me and give me everything I ask for, right now I’m making an exchange year in Canada, my parents give me 600dls to spend every month. Everyone would think my life’s so perfect but no one knows. No one knows I pretend to be happy, no one knows I’ve got a deep sadness in my soul and my smile’s just fake.
When I was younger I wanted to give up totally, but I thought of my parents and how devastated would they be if I did so; so I didn’t do it. What happened to make me feel like that? I was rejected. A girl from my class decided she didn’t like me anymore so she turned all my friends against me, it was horrible,. No one talked to me, they treated me as if I was an animal, they yelled mean things at me all the time, one night I was crying in my bathroom and wished with all my heart it would end. I woke up the next morning and felt terrible about that, but I was still feeling awful. Since then, I’ve been doing self-injury. My parents don’t know, in my family, only my cousin knows. Some of my friends know, and they try to make me feel better about myself. But everytime someone does or says something to hurt me, I do it again. It’s not something I want to do, it’s something i know is wrong, but I can’t help it. Sometimes my mother is the person who makes me feel the worst about myself, when I tell her I’m sad because someone said something rude to me, she tries to help me and she thinks she does, but what she doesn’t know is she only hurts me a little bit more. Today she told me that everyone does what they want with me because I’m like their pet, she has no idea the way she hurts me, I’ve been trying to tell her to stop but I guess she doesn’t understand. “Has your sister told you about the girls who try to make her life miserable at school, and how she shuts them up?”, yes mom, I know, but when will you understand I’m not my sister? When will you understand I may have some self-confidence troubles and I’m not able to shut people down cause I’m too scared of what they will say to me this time, when will you start by worrying about that instead of worrying about how I don’t shut people up. It’s been almost a year I haven’t done anything, but right now I just feel I can’t handle this anymore. It’s been 7 months I’ve been away from my family, I don’t have a lot of friends in Canada, and people treat me badly, I’m so sick of everything, but I don’t want to commit self-injury again. I don’t know who to run to, it seems my friends don’t care, my mom doesn’t believe my life’s this hard, and I don’t trust my dad to talk with him about this. I don’t know what to do. Help please.
when people look at me they would never suspect anyhin is wrong. But so many things are. I understand how you feel about your mom bringing youdown. I am onstantly compared to my older brother but my parents deny it. Look at brad. He’s so successful what are you going to do with your life? Then they turn around and say we would never compare our children to one another. My mom and stepdad put me down on my style, and my weiht. I have tried making peace with my weight for years. There’s nothing wrong with it appaently because I date and have guys chasing me. But according to my mom (who is also overweight) “it wouldn’t hurt to drop 10 pounds”. It’s the worst when people in your own family are putting you down as well as people at school or in public. I hope your self injury gets better… I am such a hypocrite because I am not making progress with my own
You’re not an hypocrite. You know, it’s easy to help others but it’s really hard to help yourself, I know it, that’s why I got here. You know what? There’s nothing wrong with your weight, and there’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with both of us. We came to this world to love and be loved, there’s someone out there who actually cares about us. Today I woke up and said to myself “no one’s putting me down, not even my mom. I know what I’m worth and I’m going to shut everyone’s mouth. It’s time to be happy”. You could try to do the same. You have to decide if that people is really worth your self-injury, and I can tell you, they’re not.
Stand tall and be strong, honey. Some people would kill to see you fall. =) Good luck <3
I know almost exactly how you feel, dont be mad that i said that i hate it when ppl say that bcuz i kno they dont, so i KINDA kno how you feel. My family had money e have a big house we travel alot the WHOLE FREAKING WORLD thinks im rich. Im allways being compared to my sister, i seem happy on the out side but know one has any clue how i feel on the inside….
I love your username, i LOVE twloha…
I know, people think just because we have money, we are happy. But no. Sometimes all we need is an “hey, are you ok?” or an “hey, I love you”. I KINDA know how you feel. I also know the being-compared-to-your-successful-sister feeling, but you know? We’re all different, maybe your sister can’t stop thinking how good for drawing you are, how beautiful you are, or something about you that she wants to have. I think we all have to learn to love ourselves, other people doesn’t really matter, and those who try to hurt you, are those who matter the less =)
is it pathetic that this blog is really helping me? I’ve never talked about this before and gotten this kind of spport. So thanks you guys. This really is making a difference for me. I’ve been alone in this for years.. And I was even afraid to join this and see others opinions. But I’m so happy I did