My life is the life everyone would think perfect, the life everyone would love to have. My parents have money, they love me and give me everything I ask for, right now I’m making an exchange year in Canada, my parents give me 600dls to spend every month. Everyone would think my life’s so perfect but no one knows. No one knows I pretend to be happy, no one knows I’ve got a deep sadness in my soul and my smile’s just fake.
When I was younger I wanted to give up totally, but I thought of my parents and how devastated would they be if I did so; so I didn’t do it. What happened to make me feel like that? I was rejected. A girl from my class decided she didn’t like me anymore so she turned all my friends against me, it was horrible,. No one talked to me, they treated me as if I was an animal, they yelled mean things at me all the time, one night I was crying in my bathroom and wished with all my heart it would end. I woke up the next morning and felt terrible about that, but I was still feeling awful. Since then, I’ve been doing self-injury. My parents don’t know, in my family, only my cousin knows. Some of my friends know, and they try to make me feel better about myself. But everytime someone does or says something to hurt me, I do it again. It’s not something I want to do, it’s something i know is wrong, but I can’t help it. Sometimes my mother is the person who makes me feel the worst about myself, when I tell her I’m sad because someone said something rude to me, she tries to help me and she thinks she does, but what she doesn’t know is she only hurts me a little bit more. Today she told me that everyone does what they want with me because I’m like their pet, she has no idea the way she hurts me, I’ve been trying to tell her to stop but I guess she doesn’t understand. “Has your sister told you about the girls who try to make her life miserable at school, and how she shuts them up?”, yes mom, I know, but when will you understand I’m not my sister? When will you understand I may have some self-confidence troubles and I’m not able to shut people down cause I’m too scared of what they will say to me this time, when will you start by worrying about that instead of worrying about how I don’t shut people up. It’s been almost a year I haven’t done anything, but right now I just feel I can’t handle this anymore. It’s been 7 months I’ve been away from my family, I don’t have a lot of friends in Canada, and people treat me badly, I’m so sick of everything, but I don’t want to commit self-injury again. I don’t know who to run to, it seems my friends don’t care, my mom doesn’t believe my life’s this hard, and I don’t trust my dad to talk with him about this. I don’t know what to do. Help please.