I’m new on this site. I’m turning 18 in 8 days and I don’t know what else to do or where else to turn…everything feels out of control and I’ve been having an especially hard time lately. I began SIing 3 years ago but stopped before I got super addicted. I stopped because I met the greatest guy ever who made me feel the happiest I had ever felt. I didn’t need to SI anymore because there was no reason to when I felt like that. But after dating for only 6 months, he told me his step dad got a new job and he and his family were moving. The problem was that he was moving 8 hours away. We continued dating for a total of 9 months, right up to the day he had to leave. That was the beginning of June of last year and I still don’t feel like I have moved on one bit. He meant the world to me and now that he is gone, I feel like part of me is gone. I began SIing again during the summer he left and haven’t stopped since. I told one of my best friends about it and my other best friend saw the scars on my legs and addressed me about it. Those two are the only people who know I do it and I know they’re so worried about me. I feel so selfish making them worry about me like this so I try to hide the scars, but they seem to always know. When they ask me how I’m doing they can see it in my eyes that I’m lying when I say I’m fine. Because I know I’m not fine. I try to distract myself and I try to move on but I just can’t seem to forget the past. The only thing I’ve found that helps is SIing. I want to reassure my friends that I really am fine, but before i convince them, I have to convince myself.