I recently turned to Christianity for spiritual healing and when I feel bad about myself, I SI myself. I somehow feel that is a form of atonement. Even though I know in my mind that it is not not, and it is not the purpose of Christianity to make me feel bad. I’m so afraid that I will be rejected the rest of my life for the scars I’m creating. But at times, I want the rejection because I feel so bad that I’m not worth finding a loving partner. 🙁